What I did today . . .

a. Juggled Excel spreadsheets all day at work until my eyes crossed. Why? Because the government funding for building maintenance and repair at the Naval base partially depends on my sharply honed analytical skills.

b. Tried to deal with our health insurance company because bills for routine tests run by our doctor are never properly coded. The lab then thinks we're not insured, and they bill us separately. Every time. They eventually fix it, but they still do it again. Every time.

c. Posted a recipe for sweet bread dough on Pinkjellybaby's blog because she's been jonesing for frosted buns.

d. Made four sleeves for a couple of reproduction shirts from the 1860's that I'm sewing from left-over fabric from my Civil War reenactment days. Why? Idle hands and all that. Really, though, I hated to see authentic loom-woven, hand dyed cloth go to waste, and I can probably sell them if I choose.



e. Rebuilt an AK-47 (the preferred weapon of your enemy, according to Clint Eastwood) with a new hammer, sear, trigger and gas piston. Why? Idle hands again, I guess. In any case it needed some work. Don't worry. It's not a machine gun. It's just a rifle that Mr. Clinton tried to ban because it looks nasty.
How about you?

You just can't . . .

. . . make this stuff up.

Item the first: So, how do you aim the cow at that little bottle?

Does your Pepsi lack pep? Is your Coke not the real thing? India's Hindu nationalist movement apparently has the answer: a new soft drink made from cow urine.

The bovine brew is in the final stages of development by the Cow Protection Department of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS), India's biggest and oldest Hindu nationalist group, according to the man who makes it.

Om Prakash, the head of the department, said the drink – called "gau jal", or "cow water" – in Sanskrit was undergoing laboratory tests and would be launched "very soon, maybe by the end of this year".

"Don't worry, it won't smell like urine and will be tasty too," he told The Times from his headquarters in Hardwar, one of four holy cities on the River Ganges. "Its USP will be that it's going to be very healthy. It won't be like carbonated drinks and would be devoid of any toxins."

Item the second: I wouldn't try that trick in Harlem.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals knows how to grab attention. And show off its laundry.

The animal rights group, which every year stages a protest at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, had two of its members dress in Ku Klux Klan garb outside Madison Square Garden on Monday.

Their goal, according to a post on the PETA website, was to draw a parallel between the KKK and the American Kennel Club. "Obviously it's an uncomfortable comparison," PETA spokesman Michael McGraw told the Associated Press.

But the AKC is trying to create a "master race" when it comes to pure-bred dogs, he added. "It's a very apt comparison."

The group passed out brochures implying the Klan and AKC have the goal of "pure bloodlines" in common.

Please explain . . .

. . . this sentence to me. Please?

Please review and update eProjects data by Thursday, Feb 5th. If delayed by 1 month or more, add SCHEDULE NOTE using proper format in eProjects guide. Do not use schedule not if milestone isn't delayed.

It came from our regional office.

I've been tagged . . .

. . . by Lisa

I was surprised, because pretty much no one reads my blog - so, I figured why not?

Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave acomment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

So, here are my six random things – although, at my age, randomness is pretty much a given.

1. I married my high school sweetheart. Mrs. B and I attended the same schools from the 6th grade forward and hardly knew each other. Then, in the winter of our sophomore year, I noticed her standing on the steps, and asked a friend, “who is THAT?” I asked her to the winter dance, and we’ve been together ever since. Four days ago, we celebrated our 46th anniversary.

2. For some reason, I have an attraction to sewing. I guess it’s the challenge of figuring it out. I made almost all the drapes for our last two homes, a complete U. S. Civil War uniform with all the accoutrements and a bridesmaid dress for one of our daughters-in-law. I was once given a sewing machine as a present. I still suspect ulterior motives on the part of the giver.

3. You could call me an old softie and I wouldn’t complain. It’s especially true when our military is concerned. I get a lump in my throat every time there’s a flyover at a football game, NASCAR race or a memorial ceremony. The last flight of about 20 F-14 Tomcats flying home after their last mission before decommissioning had tears running down my face. I was on a harbor tour boat when the USS Cole was returned to service at Naval Station Norfolk. It was emotional.

4. I’m a car freak. I know it’s irrational, but I grew up in the years just before the musclecar boom. The first car I bought when I got a real job was a 1968 GTO. It’s never stopped. Give me some major parts, a bunch of steel stock, nuts and bolts, the right machinery and adequate time in the garage, and I can build one. I also have the go-fast gene in my DNA – although it’s generally under control on the highway. On the racetrack, my top speed ever was 173 mph. Adrenalin city, that was.

5. Patrick Swayze is a distant cousin, as are Daniel Boone, and the late actor William Holden. Also somewhere in the attic is Sir Leonard Holliday, a founder of the East India Company, and a Lord Mayor of London.

6. I am fully, totally addicted to “The Avengers” – that 1960’s Brit spy/adventure series with Patrick Macnee, Honor Blackman, Diana Rigg and Linda Thorson. I got hooked on it during it’s 1967-69 showing on ABC, and the later repeats on A&E. Since it’s no longer shown on U.S. TV, I have managed to obtain the entire collection – some 161 episodes on about 40 DVDs. I’m working my way through the first season now.

Sorry, but Lisa, Gemmak, Jannie, Punctuation, Dave and Pinkjellybaby . . . you've been tagged.

Tunnel vision . . .

. . . or, "Why I sat in traffic for almost an hour today.

We have tunnels here. More tunnels than bridges because of the large amount of military and commercial ship traffic. Tunnels are less of a bother to ships than bridges.

And that's all OK, except people do funny things at tunnels.

Some folks get halfway through and stop. Frozen and unable to continue. Then traffic stops while a tender clears the jam behind them and takes them out.

People slow down at the tunnel's mouth. I guess because the dark entrance looks like a portal to Old Scratch's anteroom.

Trucks too tall for the tunnels drive in and wedge themselves. Nevermind that there are warning signs with the exact clearance for miles before.

Today was a new experience.

As I approached the downtown Norfolk tunnel, all traffic came to a halt. A car in the leftmost lane appeared to have a flat tire. The car was stopped next to a wide apron between the two tunnels. No problem, says I. They can pull it over there and we're on our way.

Wrong. I tend to be logical, but often logic does not govern. The tunnel minders proceeded to bring up a service truck, jack up the car, and change the tire RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKING INTERSTATE.

Two lanes of freeway traffic were held up for almost an hour while the car owner and lots of guys-in-yellow-jumpsuits first had a cabinet meeting to determine strategy, then became shade-tree mechanics while hundreds of not-so-amused drivers sat and watched.

Ron White is correct. You just can't fix stupid.

Is it an inaguration . . .

. . . or a corination?

. . . or an ordination?

. . . or a beatification?

. . . or a canonization?

And will communion be served?

Practice . . .

. . . makes perfect.

Well, not quite perfect. There's more than one hole, and the head shot is a bit off center. But, it'll do for an old guy out of practice.

I haven't done much pistol shooting in the last few years, so I've begun to practice a bit. My hand isn't as steady as it used to be, but for rapid fire at 7-1/2 yards, this target wasn't too bad. That's eight shots in the "X" ring, and one tossed upstairs just for the heck of it.

To our European and U. S. liberal firends . . . sorry, but we do that kind of stuff over here. And, luckily, our armed forces men and women don't need to be shown which end of a weapon is the business end.

Shot with: Custom M1911 Colt . 45 ACP