Held Prisoner in Hampton Roads

Traveler's . . .

. . . diary

Notes on a 6,000 mile flight.  Three flights, actually.  Naples to Rome to Atlanta to Dallas. 

Nine hours is a long time to sit on your arse.  Especially when the person in the row behind you is a blithering idiot, and proves it continuously and at high volume.

For the first time in a long, long time, I asked another passenger to STFU.  During a rather long delay on the ground due to an oil spill, a young lady (and I use the term lady very loosely) was seated next to an American priest currently assigned to Rome.  She took the first 15 minutes, non-stop, explaining to the priest how her whole family was Irish Catholic, but her mother converted to Judaism, so she was raised a Jew.  No problem there, except for the fact that it took 15 minutes to make that point.  And, she made the point loud enough for everyone for three rows in any direction to hear.

She then started discussing theology with the priest.  At least, as much theology as one learns in veterinary school.  Another 20 minutes.  Among the clever questions she asked of the priest was, "If Jesus arose from the dead, doesn't that make him a zombie?"  That was closely followed by, "Then, at the end of days, when everyone arises from the dead, won't the whole world be populated by zombies?"  Then, "That won't be good for anyone who is left.  The zombies will be trying to eat them."

You simply CANNOT make that shit up.  Apparently, she studied the George Romero edition of the New Testament.

I refuse to replay her understanding of the Trinity.  You wouldn't believe it in any case.

By this time, my alternatives seemed to be either saintly patience or aggravated assault.  Straining to be a gentleman, however, I said, "Miss, I have been trying very hard not to eavesdrop on your conversation, but it's not working.  Could you please lower the volume?"

She looked at me like I just hit her with a brick.

That was entirely satisfactory.  I can live with a virtual brick.  She did shut up.

Two of the folks in the row in front of us turned around and mouthed the words "Thank you!"

I thought I heard a sigh of relief from the priest.