Is there anyone . . .

. . . more freakin' obnoxious and irritating than this woman?

She seems to have the amazing ability to find a cloud behind every silver lining. Of course, The View can't seem to exist without at least one touch of the bitch factor.

Why do I know about the view, you ask? If I don't like it, why do I watch, you further ask? The answer to both questions is that Mrs. B. likes to watch it, and I have to occasionally let her have the remote control.

The sound of her voice alone curdled the cream on my oatmeal this morning.

WTF . . .

. . . Is Kelly Ripa thinking?

I've had almost two weeks off during the holidays, so I occasionaly veg out and watch a bit o' daytime TV. I think this trend towards having to be a size zero has gotten out of hand. Can she actually believe that now is more attractive than then?

The Buchenwald look seems to have become epidemic lately. Victoria Beckham, Teri Hatcher, Marcia Cross, Renee Zellweiger, Holly Hunter, Jennifer Connelly, and the list goes on. I know these women don't see themselves as others see them, but one would hope that a loved one or friend would speak out.

. . . . . . . .. . . .Then . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . Now . . . . . . .

I'm just the messenger . . .

. . . . I did not write these.

However, I have occasionally - just occasionally - noticed a smidgen of truth to some of them.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

2. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

3. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

4. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

5. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

6. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

7. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

8. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

9. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Punctuation . . .

. . . conquers the Midwest.

At least that's what my inside intelligence agencies tell me.

Obviously, my network is not on par with MI-5, but my people know people, and I have it on good authority that he has charmed the easternmost coast of Kansas. Well, if not the whole coast, at least Lisa's youngest brother (C), sister-in-law and niece and nephew.

C tells me that he and Punctuation are able to communicate fluently in Monty Pythonese. C also confirms that Lisa's pancakes are as good as earlier publicity from England has claimed.

Mrs. B and I are waiting for more photos . . . and Punctuation's review of Kansas City Barbecue (which most folks in the US understand is the best in the world.)

Sod off . . .

. . . Scrooge!

[begin rant]

I am so sick of so-called scientists relating every freakin' thing we do to global warming. Perhaps they should do some reading about solar cycles.

The Algore disciples have decided that global warming is settled science, and that no further research is necessary. And this is enforced to the point that legitimate scientists are denied grants and being vilified for voicing - or even studying - an alternate opinion.

I was reading a very interesting James Patterson book this week. At least, it was interesting until he devoted the whole last chapter to a lecture about global warming. Fine. Fix the environment, but don't sell it to me under the guise of the fourth book in an extremely interesting series.

The global warming zealots need to realize that they may NOT know everything about earth's climatology. We need to keep an open mind an evaluate ALL of the info out there. The Pope is thinking about exonerating Galileo from his heresy conviction. Galileo had the temerity to opine that our earth was a part of a heliocentric system, and was imprisoned for it. Maybe Patterson, and the "scientist" in the article below need to keep their minds open before claiming another type of "heresy."

Open discussion is good. Algore et. al. would prefer to deny that.

[/rant]

SCIENTISTS have warned that Christmas lights are bad for the planet due to huge electricity waste and urged people to get energy efficient festive bulbs. CSIRO researchers said householders should know that each bulb turned on in the name of Christmas will increase emissions of greenhouse gases.

Dr Glenn Platt, who leads research on energy demand, said Australia got 80 per cent of its electricity by burning coal which pumps harmful emissions into the atmosphere. He said: "Energy efficient bulbs, such as LEDs, and putting your Christmas lights on a timer are two very easy ways to minimise the amount of electricity you use to power your lights."

He said the nation's electricity came from "centralised carbon intensive, coal-based power stations" which were responsible for emitting over one third of Australia's greenhouse gas emissions. Dr Platt added: "For a zero-emission Christmas light show, you may consider using solar powered lights or sourcing your electricity from verified green power suppliers."

Things we used to do . . .

. . . at the mall.

Yep, we did. Just ask Lisa.

A random thought . . .

. . . from a casual observer.

Caroline Kennedy wants to take Hillary Clinton's place in the U.S. Senate. I hope she realizes what she's getting into. Mrs. Clinton leaves a pretty big seat to fill. (Come on . . . you know I had to. Really.)