I have seen two . . .

. . . monumental tragedies as they happened.

9/11, and this.

The first was monsters believing they would reach heaven. May their souls rot in hell.

The second was brave men and women on their way to the heavens. May their souls rest in peace.

Another good way . . .

. . . to thin out the Democrat party

Tuesday night after the speech, Obama adviser David Plouffe said to NBC News that the president would not let the moment after the Arizona shootings pass without pushing for some change in the law, to prevent another similar incident. “It’s a very important issue, and one I know there’s going to be debate about on the Hill.”

"Never let a good crisis go to waste."- Rahm Emanuel, Barry buddy and non-resident of Chicago

The White House said that to avoid being accused of capitalizing on the Arizona shootings for political gain, Obama will address the gun issue in a separate speech, likely early next month.

Rephrased: "Let's capitalize on it, but avoid being accused of it."

Do it. The last time your party tried, they had their collective arses handed to them.

Suggestion: when you're deep in a hole, stop digging.

It's that time of year . . .

. . . buy some cookies from this girl

Or, maybe her daughter.

You have to love an army . . .

. . . with pink minis and go-go boots

It is not only spoken . . .

. . . it is also written.

The first thing you will wanna get out is a sauce pan and heat it on a medium low flame.

Is it not bad enough that our speech has become terribly sloppy? Does our writing also have to be this undisciplined? I understand that "wanna" and "gonna" roll off the tongue easier than "going to" and "want to," but it is lazy speech.

It also seems that a new style has emerged.

Why use 10 words when 50 will do?

Perhaps: "In a sauce pan on medium heat . . ."

Yes, I'm grumpy today.

Deal with it.

Cold enough . . .

. . . to freeze the balls off of a brass monkey.

Cannon balls aboard Navy ships were once stored on brass racks. Since brass contracts under cold temperatures, an extremely cold night would cause the brass racks to shrink enough to actually pop out any iron cannon balls they contained.

Heard that one?

Civil war reenactors and military types like to show how much they know by quoting this old saw.

Taint true, McGee.

The differential between the coefficients of thermal expansion of brass and iron are not sufficient to cause this metallic primate castration.

This science moment has been brought to you by my lack of anthing intelligent to write.

Dude . . .

. . . Do you have to bow to everyone?

Pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
Proverbs 16:18 KJV

When is the last time your heard that correctly quoted - and correctly attributed? By the way, said fall should occur ca. 201 - with any luck, that is.