Held Prisoner in Hampton Roads

Christina . . .

. . . and all you other urban yodelers*

Please, please, please stay away from our national anthem. I have no problem with you fumbling the words. Everyone makes mistakes. It wasn't what you sang - it was how you sang it. The anthem has been around for two hundred years, and does not need your interpretation.

The anthem belongs to us, not you, and you are not free to bend it into a science project for your vocal exercises.

If you receive an invitation to sing (and I use the word loosely) the anthem at another major event, decline.

I beg you.

Decline.

And you event organizers, listen up. Did you learn nothing from Roseanne Barr?

*Urban yodeling: When a singer draws out or oscillates notes excessively (seems to have been started by the ilks of Mariah Carey, Whitney Houston and Christina Aguilera) Especially when covering music written by others. Can be heard in karaoke bars, and is generally used to mask a lack of singing talent.