. . . . I did not write these.
However, I have occasionally - just occasionally - noticed a smidgen of truth to some of them.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
2. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
3. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
4. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
5. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
6. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
7. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
8. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
9. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.